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Monday, October 25, 2010

My Story - Part 5 ...And adoption story... well sort of...

I know this seems so long already, but I have left out so much! You can read:

 During my sickness all I could think about was having a child. Children are such a blessing, and somehow in my crazy mind I convinced myself that if I had a child, that would mean I was healthy. Because I still weighed less then 100 lbs the not so important parts of my body shut down. So I began to pray that we would be able to adopt. I'm going to keep most of this info general for the privacy of those involved.

My dear boy J.T. was born in October 2001. He was 10 weeks premature and couldn't remember how to eat or breath. He stopped breathing atleast 10 times an hour. It really wasn't as scary as it sounds because he was on an apnea monitor and as soon as it would beep, he would jump and start breathing again. J.T. was my life! I had only had surgery 6 weeks prior to him being born, but all of a sudden nothing about me mattered! He was my world! Really things had felt so bad for so many years, this was my first real ray of sunshine!

I was so in love with this child I can't even begin to write about it. He was so fragile, and he needed me. I finally felt like I had a purpose. I rocked to him and sang to him. Prayed with him and cried with him. A biological mother could not love their child more! I knew within the first week that it didn't look like we were going to be able to adopt him, but how could I leave this precious little boy? My boy? I couldn't! So I went every day, not knowing if it was the last kiss I could give him. The last prayer I could say with him. The last time I would ever hold him and tell him how much I love him. Still I went because none of that mattered. All that mattered was he was struggling for his life and needed me.

Like most premies J.T. struggled with his vitals. There was just too much for his poor little body to do. The nurses tried their best but for some reason I was the only person who was able to stabalize him. I held him in the kangaroo position, skin on skin, and his vitals would be perfect. Somehow my body knew how to regulate his temperature and blood pressure. His breathing became more regular and he was able to rest. I know this was a match made in heaven and God put us together! WHEW even after 9 years I cannot write this without crying! He was my boy!

We were able to raise our dear son for almost a year, and when he left he was very healthy and his doctor's were amazed at how well he had grown and developed. They had never seen anything like it. I still feel blessed that God allowed me to be part of his life! And although losing him was an enormous loss in my life, being his mother even for a short time was an even bigger gain. I honestly believe God sent him to me to save my life as well. It help me to forget what was going on with me, and to focus on someone else for a change. I have never been the same since!

Also during this year God called Dustin to be a co-pastor. It was not an easy journey for us, but we knew what God wanted of us and we could not fail Him, no matter the what came our way. I am happy to say that we did follow God, and in the process met the most wonderful Pastor in the world. My pastor! Up until this point I believed circumstances came our way and we had no control over them. But he taught us that we don't have to accept circumstances and doctor's reports, but to have faith in God and believe for a miracle. This is when I began my walk of faith and started believing we would have a child of our own. And many more miracles were headed our way as well!


Anonymous said...

nice work keep it up

Anonymous said...

Wow. I am so happy you had him, but so sorry you lost him. So sad. I am loving reading your story. Great posts.

Anonymous said...

Sister are so Blessed, just know that you are one of His chosen and whatever God has in store for you and Pastor Dustin, you WILL prevail. Amen

Tara said...

love you.. I remember meeting beautiful J.T. I think it was at my sister's baby shower before baby #2 for her.

You were, and are, and will be, a wonderful mama!!

jakell said...

How sweet, you were meant to be his mother for that short while for sure, no doubt about it.

So sorry you had to let him go physically but know he will always be a part of you. Your story just amazes me. as I said before amaze me. What blessings you have been given for your faithfulness.

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