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Wednesday, September 29, 2010

I never dreamed it would be this long...

When we were first married I never dreamed that our road to conception would be this difficult. Infact I went on birth control (depo shots) the month we were married because I was only 19 and didn't want children right away. I figured when we were ready it would just happen. About a year after we were married all of a sudden it hit me, the baby fever! I HAD to have a baby! Where this came from I have no idea, it was totally out of the blue. But it was there. Every month my period didn't start I was so excited that I ran right out to buy a pregnancy test. Only to see that horrible answer month after month, NOT PREGNANT. Finally after a year my periods started again and I though luck was finally on my side. After all a year is a long time to try to have a baby, right?

In November we will be celebrating our 14th anniversary and sadly it brings me bitter sweet joy. Joy that I am married to a wonderful caring man who has been through so much with me. A man that takes his wedding vows seriously, In good times and bad, In sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, forsaking all others etc... I am truly cherished and blessed to have this man in my life. But still I fight feelings of sadness that we have been together 14 years and still no children ... I never dreamed it would be this long. People have babies every day, every minute, every hour. Why is it so hard for my body to do?

Only God knows! And he has given me the strength to make it through each day. I don't know His perfect plan in my life, only that He wants me to trust Him with every ounce of my being! I don't know the day or the hour that my child will finally come, but whether it's 9 months from now or 9 more years (help me Jesus!) I am confident that He will be with me all the way! I am open to His will in my life, however that may look! And one day when I hold my precious child in my arms it will be worth it all!

My scripture for today is Proverbs 3:5-6


yarnabees said...

I Just want you to know I have been praying for you. My Daughter who is 23 has been married for 2 years and no babies, she always said she didn't want kids. Well that Baby Bug has taken a bite out of her and she really wants a baby. I tell her God hears her prayers and in His time he will answer them, but I also pray that he will give her peace as she waits and if it is an unanswered pray. That He will feel her with joy and not sorrow. I enjoy reading your blog and will continue to pray with you. Gina

Sarah W. said...

Thanks Gina! I will pray for your daughter too! Tell her I understand completely! :) God does give peace that surpasses all understanding!

tea said...

I have walked the road of infertility too and I know it is not easy. I am saying a prayer for you. I love the verse you shared.

I found your blog through picket fences.

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