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Thursday, September 30, 2010

"God hath made me to laugh..."

I've been thinking about my cousin's post a few days ago, What is the desire of your heart? And I guess I've been pondering it in my mind. Well last night I had the most amazing dream and I just had to share it with you.

It has been the desire of my heart since I was a small child to have identical twin boys. I think it comes from me being raised with 2 sisters, and longing for a brother to play basketball with. Anyway I never really talk about it much, I guess because it has always felt like the chances were 1/100000000000000000 Basically a long shot. hahaha (don't know why I think it's harder for God to bless with two babies instead of one. I realize I have been limiting God's ablitities... hmmm something for me to ponder) So anyway here's my dream...

I ususally dream about myself pregnant but I never get to the birth. I guess I have a fear of this part. LOL Do you blame me? Well my mom and DH were in the delivery room with me and I was having a C-section. My doctor says to me, "I think I feel 2 heads, I'll bet you anything there are twins in there." (Why I'm only finding out in the delivery room I have no idea) But I'm super duper excited! For Real! TWINS?!?!?! So I look down at my stomach and sure enough she is pulling 2 dark headed babies (heads up- uh oh) out of my stomach. And man were they huge! They each weighed 8 lbs... oh my... She showed me my dear little boys for a split second and the nurses wisked them away. I didn't care right at the moment because I wasn't feeling so good. But about 15 minutes later it hit me, I'M A MOTHER! I HAVE TWIN BOYS! And the adrenalin just started pumping. I was *laughing and crying and totally hyped up. I had to see my babies!! The nurse said I had to stay in bed for atleast an hour while she watched me to make sure there were no complications. Well I'm sorry but I've waited years to meet these little people and NOBODY is going to keep them from me. So I waited until she turned her back and I got out of bed and walked down to the nursery. She came running after me filled with concern and I just turned and said,"I've had 21 surgeries, this is nothing!" (I love myself in my dreams!!) And finally I got to really see my two munchkins! And yes they were identical. So identical infact even I couldn't tell them apart yet. They had black hair with red highlights .. hehehe .... and dark blue eyes and they were perfect!! A thousand crazy thoughts were going through my head at the same time, I only have one name picked out, I don't have enough cloth diapers (who does?) I only have one hat from The Cotton Cupcake Shoppe. (Yes Amber I really did dream this!) But I looked down into those beautiful perfect bundles and nothing in the world seemed to matter. The whole world closed around me and it was just me and my little one's. I felt and overwhelming love and exhilleration. Really I don't know how to put it into words. I got to hold them and talk to them and it was just SO REAL!

Then I woke up! .... sigh ... I still could feel my baby's in my arms and that wholeness that I felt. And God gave me a total and complete peace that I haven't felt in many months! Everything's going to be OK! He know's what He is doing!  I will one day feel that for real! Whether it's a boy or girl or twins or not, none of that is really what matters. It's the thrill of knowing that God has entrusted me with one of his precious souls! That I will finally get to share all this love that is just bubbling up inside me waiting to come out!

* "And Abraham was an hundred years old, when his son Isaac was born unto him. And Sarah said, God hath made me to laugh, so that all that hear will laugh with me. And she said, Who would have said unto Abraham, that Sarah should have given children suck? for I have born him a son in his old age."
Genesis 21:5-7

I love you Jesus! Thank you for making me laugh! :)


Jan said...

What a beautiful dream! HE is faithful! Holding your child in your arms is the only thing that can come close to replicating the peace of being held in HIS arms...I can't wait for you to experience it!

Amber. said...

:) You better believe that if you have twins there will be a gift from me at your door SO fast!!! Keep on holding tight to Jesus...and believing that He has good things in store for you. You are one amazing woman and I am inspired by your strength to get through the difficult times. Blessings to you today!

Sarah W. said...

hahaha YAY!! so funny how our minds work! Thank you everybody for your support! I have so many stories to share I just don't know where to begin! God has been so good to me!! :) Love you all!! ~Sarah

andrea said...

Im so excited to see what God is going to do for you. I cant wait to hold your little gift from above. Soon and very soon you will have the desire of your heart...cant wait to meet him. much love

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