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Sunday, September 26, 2010

The dreaded ultrasound!

I had an ultrasound this week to monitor an ovarian cyst that I've had for a while. (I'll save that story for another day!) And yes I always dread having an ultrasound for many reasons!

First of all I ALWAYS stand in faith that I AM pregnant. There's always the possibility that this is the month! And I NEVER appreciate seeing my womb empty!

Secondly I want to hear that heartbeat. And it's very disturbing to me not to hear one! That tell tale sign that "YES INDEED I am pregnant." Everytime I have an ultrasound I make sure to tell the tech that I am trying to conceive and won't be sad if she finds that little heartbeat. But so far ... silence! No I do not like the ultrasound!

Thirdly, I have a long history of ovarian cysts, and the older I get they seem to get worse. So not only are they telling me I am NOT pregnant, but they are also telling me all the reason's why I can't get pregnant and how impossible it is. Scar tissue, cysts ... blah...blah...blah... NO I do NOT like the ultrasound!

And although I am more determined then ever that I AM going to have a baby, I wonder why I bother having the dreaded ultrasound every year just to hear the bad news. Medically nothing changes by me going, but mentally it is very exhausting on me. So I have quoted this scripture to myself all week long ....

"Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things." Phillipians 4:8

So I keep my chin up and keep believing that the baby is coming and next month could be the month!!

8 comments:

brenda said...

SARAH YOUR A GREAT PERSON AND SOMEDAY YOU will HAVE A BABY GOD WILL GIVE YOU THE DESIRES OF YOUR HEART JUST KEEP TRUSTING IN HIM AND IT WILL ALL WORK OUT AND WHEN THAT TIMES COMES YOU WILL BE THE BEST MOTHER EVER..... I KNOW SOMETIMES IT SEEMS LIKE ITS NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN BUT IT WILL AND WE WILL BE PRAYING FOR YOU ..... GOD BLESS <3

Sarah Halstead said...

Praying for you. I hope next month is the month.

btw love your blog. It looks great. I am following you now.

my blog is www.lovingmylifeblog.com let me know if you want me to spotlight your new blog one Sunday. :) Have a great day.

Mekayla_R said...

I can't imagine the journey you've endured....but keep your chin up and hopefully one time you will go and that heartbeat will be there. I will be thinking of you....you are a strong women, and I admire you .

zombiemommie said...

The strength you have to keep faith is inspiring. Never give that up. One day you are going to make an amazing mother.

Anonymous said...

A promise is a promise and if HE made one to you, you can believe HE will deliver because HE is a God of TRUTH.
Pr 23:23 Buy the truth, and do not sell it, Also wisdom and instruction and understanding.

Remember though(speaking from experience), HE doesn't always do things the way we expect HIM to-receive your blessing in Jesus' sweet Name in whatever form it takes.
Heb 11:1 Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, and the sign that the things not seen are true.
Heb 11:6 And without faith it is not possible to be well-pleasing to him, for it is necessary for anyone who comes to God to have the belief that God is, and that he is a rewarder of all those who make a serious search for him.
Love, Jan+her miracle boy

jakell said...

*Hugs* Praying for you!

Tara said...

<3 you!!

As you know, DH (Dear Hubby) and I tried for seven years before we were blessed with our DD (Dear Daughter). I have been diagnosed with PCOS and know the pain of wondering if this was the month that God would bless me with his promise.

When DH and I bought our new house we were about six years into it. At that time my BFF was at an Aglow conference with her mother and they called on their way home and asked if they could stop by and bless our new home. One of the ladies had been praying specifically for my DH to come back to God, renew his commitment to Christ and knew that it would take the desire of his heart.

So, she specifically said to him..."What is the desire of your heart?" He said, "I want us to have a child of our own." That led this wonderful woman of God to pray for a healing for my. "By his stripes, we are healed."

Six weeks later, my OBGYN who had been working with us on fertility work for years, did a blood test. Did I mention that I had taken two preg. tests and they were positive?

We were six weeks preg. according to our ultrasound. A true gift from God.

It can happen. The discouragement is real. God's timing and my own were quite different. We had decided two weeks before I found out I was preg. that we were finished trying. The fertility drugs were hard on me and I had already been through six cycles of meds. DH and I couldn't take it. When we got together, he wanted 12. I wanted 9.

Well, we have.... and may always have.... one beautiful daughter!!

and we couldn't have known through that process how it would feel on the opposite side. I actually freaked out so bad the day I found out I was preg. that I skipped the eighth grade graduation ceremony of the class that had dedicated the yearbook to me. I was a mess!!

Accept your healing, walk in faith, take those prenatal vitamins and folic acid always.

That way, when you DO find out, like I did that your miracle has arrived... you won't wonder if you were doing the best you could.

Erica K said...

Sending you a hug.

We tried for 5 years(doesn't seem like much time now but back then it felt like eternity). We had finally "given up" thinking about it. We even went out and bought another cat. 1 month after buying that cat we found out we were pregnant. All those years longing and buying pregnancy tests.
We have two children now and one baby in heaven(miscarried at 13 weeks).
I said a prayer for you. Much love.

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