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Wednesday, February 23, 2011

I am a dreamer!

I've had this thought bouncing around in my head for months. "I am a dreamer and Dustin is concrete." So what? Who cares? Big deal? I'm a dreamer remember, I don't need absolutes, just possibilities! But still this thought is nagging at me to write about, why? I have no idea but I feel compelled to write this. I'm not sure how this post will end up, but here goes ...

I love this picture, I think the girl looks like me! :)

I am a dreamer! I suppose that is what makes me a good crafter. I see a vision and I make it come to life. I see the world in a rainbow of colors. Not always what it is, but what it has a possibility to become. I'm an optimist, always looking on the bright side. There's always something positive about every situation. Sometimes you just have to look for it. Sometimes you may never know what it is. But it's there! I always look on the bright side. Even when I know people are wrong I still give them the benefit of the doubt and like to believe they had good intentions and meant well. This is both a gift and a flaw, but there it is.

I also am a dreamer in the spiritual world. God speaks to me in dreams. Not every night. Not every month. But often I am awakened with a dream or vision from the Lord. I see things that are going to happen. I see and feel things that people are going through. Many times I have dreampt of giving birth and holding my child in my arms! AH those dreams are so wonderful I never want to wake up. These dreams can be very cool, but they can also be exhausting! I don't always see good things. I don't always see happy things! Some of the time these are heavy burdens that God has laid upon me to pray about. To intercede for someone. To stand in the gap. These are private things that I cannot share with anyone and most of the time I never tell a person I have had a vision about them, I just wait and pray. Sometimes I see it come to pass right away, sometimes it's years. And thankfully sometimes it never comes to pass because God has conquered and changed the circumstances!

Please do not think in any way that I am saying I am "super spiritual" or a prophet or anything like that! Nothing could be further from the truth. I'm just saying this is one way that God speaks with me.
 Dustin on the other hand is concrete! A realist! He sees the world in black and white. Right or wrong. And yes I believe in right or wrong, but he is so absolute about it. From a young child he has had a wisdom that far precedes his age. Many older people have been jealous of his gift. I've never told him this, but I compare him to King Solomon in the bible (minus all the wives lol). He can process all aspects of a situation in record time and give a rational answer that you just can't argue with. He does not look at life through emotion, but by truth. Sometimes he's so unemotional about a situation I could scream! But his wisdom is always sound.

I asked him once how he encourages himself about God healing me and giving us a baby and he said "I don't think about it. God said it and it will happen" WHAT?!?! You don't think about it EVER!?!?! I think about it every hour, every minute of every day. SERIOUSLY NEVER?!?! "Nope, there's no need. It will happen when God is ready!" Oh I am SO envious of this! To be able to lay it all at God's feet and NEVER again worry, doubt, question... I am striving for this, but am far from there!

I often wonder why such a wise man would want someone so abstract and flighty as me. It's NOT RATIONAL!! We are opposites in nearly every area of our lives. Every area except one, that we love God with EVERY ounce of our being and yes we BOTH put God before each other! He helps me see the world through reality and truth, and I help him see the world as possibilities waiting to happen. I know all the time he is frustrated with me, and to be honest I am frustrated with myself alot of the time. I compare myself to him way to much, and see all the area's where I have failed miserably. I cannot always give the person the answer they are looking for. I don't have wisdom to make all the right choices. I hardly can quote any scriptures and half the time I can't even remember the scriptures he preached on. Only that I was moved and God changed me because of it. Try as I may I cannot be like Dustin.

So I am learning to let God use me in His own way, and it doesn't have to look like what it does with the next person. I don't have to be the preacher for God to speak through me.  God is so much bigger and stronger then we can ever imagine. So why do we think Christians should look and act like we were cut out of cookie cutters. Dustin is definately used by God, but I also am someone God can use. So I'm trying to stop comparing myself and allowing God to use me how HE wants and it's VERY freeing and liberating! I don't have to live up to man's expectations of what I should be, but I can live up to God's! How beautiful!


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