The dreaded ultrasound!

I had an ultrasound this week to monitor an ovarian cyst that I've had for a while. (I'll save that story for another day!) And yes I always dread having an ultrasound for many reasons!

First of all I ALWAYS stand in faith that I AM pregnant. There's always the possibility that this is the month! And I NEVER appreciate seeing my womb empty!

Secondly I want to hear that heartbeat. And it's very disturbing to me not to hear one! That tell tale sign that "YES INDEED I am pregnant." Everytime I have an ultrasound I make sure to tell the tech that I am trying to conceive and won't be sad if she finds that little heartbeat. But so far ... silence! No I do not like the ultrasound!

Thirdly, I have a long history of ovarian cysts, and the older I get they seem to get worse. So not only are they telling me I am NOT pregnant, but they are also telling me all the reason's why I can't get pregnant and how impossible it is. Scar tissue, cysts ... blah...blah...blah... NO I do NOT like the ultrasound!

And although I am more determined then ever that I AM going to have a baby, I wonder why I bother having the dreaded ultrasound every year just to hear the bad news. Medically nothing changes by me going, but mentally it is very exhausting on me. So I have quoted this scripture to myself all week long ....

"Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things." Phillipians 4:8

So I keep my chin up and keep believing that the baby is coming and next month could be the month!!